August 11, 2010
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BEDA: Heart and Mind
For as long as I have been journaling, I have been aware of a terrible battle between my passionate heart and my conservative mind. The heart wants to “go!” “do!” “see!” and “speak!” My mind says to “wait, evaluate, come up with alternate courses of actions, and reevaluate.” It is a battle of what I yearn to do against what I believe to be prudent. Whenever one is chosen over the other, I am feel that I am either choking off my heart or doing something unwise. There was never a win-win. Only a win-lose. With regret. Oftentimes, this had rendered me actionless out of indecision. I was not happy with this.
I don’t think I ever really considered this an even match-up either. I would tend to side with my heart and think of my brain as a merciless, controlling master. “Bad brain! Why are you overthinking so much!” I would say. And then I would day dream about what life would be like without a brain. I think in those dreams, I looked like an asian version of Fabio or Fonzie. I was bold and smooth and draped with women.
I think it was only recently that I have come to peace with the fact that I have opposing voices in my body. Rather, I have come to realize the merits of having a brain, and the downfall of following my heart. My heart is impetuous, impulsive, and oftentimes inconsiderate. Moreover, my heart tends to be selfish. It is self-pleasing and lives in the moment. I often get myself into trouble when I follow heart without seeking counsel from the brain. Likewise, I have come to appreciate the benefits of pausing for a moment to evaluate the heart and the motives. Were my motives self-serving? Or are they for the good of the other? Will my actions bring blessing or curse? For whom am I doing this for? Am I only trying to please people? or am I trying to please God? These are good questions to ask in the heat of the moment. I think a great lesson was learning to ask these questions in the heat of the moment. I don’t think the moment is ever as hot as we think or feel it is. I have discovered that it is worth taking an extra moment to consider the motives.
Lastly, I have realized that the heart is not just capable of love and passionate things. Out of the heart also comes fear, and anger, and retribution, and hate. The passionate part of me wants to retaliate against feelings of hurt and offense. I have learned also, that this is not the best course of action. In fact, to even overcome these things, a choice must be made from the brain. The brain must lead the heart, specifically in the area of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a choice the heart wants to make. But it is a necessary one in order for the heart to heal. Isn’t it funny how the heart does not always know what is best for itself? It needs a brain after all.
In conclusion, on this day, at the tender old age of 29, I have come to realize that my brain and heart are not enemies after all. That the tension and diversity between the two actually bring a lot to the table. It’s like I have my own team of rivals! Just like Abe Lincoln. Yes. I just compared myself with President Lincoln. That means it’s time to sleep.
So, dear blog. i am tired. sleep is good for normal human functioning. goodnite.
Comments (4)
For me, I think I rely on my heart too much a lot of the time. It’s not that I don’t think, but it’s that I go with my heart more, and that’s not good. Praise be to God, however, I am not letting my heart rule in my just-ended relationship – if I were to follow my heart, I would be making the biggest mistake of my life. God is so good to me.
=) very well put friend. The heart and mind are a constant struggle … and a great way to teach us to compromise.
Balance, Grasshopper!
Consider yourself doing very well to have that at least partly sorted out “at the tender old age of 29″.